You make those changes

Either of these options for change can work for you when you have a positive intention to do what is best and what is necessary in order to move on in your life. 

What we are not told often enough is that it IS okay to walk away from situations or people that do not serve our purpose. What do we mean when we say 'our purpose'? We could define it as our intention in life to do what is right for us. Only the individual can really know what that is for them.

Your beautiful self!

Look at yourself in the mirror and see what I see. You are beautiful. Love yourself, be yourself and accept who you are. 

Is there something you don't like about yourself?  I say do whatever it is you need to do to be who you want to be! 

It sounds simple but being honest and authentic to ourselves can be one of the hardest things we have to consistently do. Once we open up to honesty about who we are and who we want to be we can then love the whole of our being and our beauty will radiate outwards to the rest of the world. 

Let us stop being blinded by our own illusion of who we say we are. We need to be it! If you are saying 'I am a good friend', 'I am a loving partner' or even 'I am beautiful' then be it!

This topic will always fascinate me. The reason being is because along with the topic of ‘love’ loving who I am and being authentic has been an epic journey. As I am sure it has been for you. You are probably thinking 'my beautiful self as opposed to...?' yes as opposed to 'your not so beautiful self'! For me 'my not so beautiful self' is when I am moody, irritable, snappy, fussy and negative. Now do not get me wrong each of these things would be ok if experienced individually but when they are in what I would describe as a 'combo' then I would hope to not be in the company of others...yes it is not a pretty sight! I know that this side of me could push others away, make me feel awful and create a problem that didn't need to exist.

For you, your 'not so beautiful self' maybe something else. Think about what it could be and how this makes you feel.

Questions to think about 
How does your 'not so beautiful self' serve your purpose in life? 

How do you make rational decisions when you are at your lowest? 

Now when I say 'learn to be your beautiful self' I am simply saying get to know yourself well enough so that you can tap in to the part of you that you and others love so much!
You were not born in to this world with limiting thoughts or beliefs about yourself. You created that! Everyone does. For some reason we find it easier to do this. We are in a culture where we think other people are beautiful, successful and special, when in fact...You are too! What we tend to do is feed our mind with constant labels, 'oh I am always clumsy', 'I'm not sexy', 'I am always going to be fat'. What is interesting about these labels is that the more you believe in them the more it will be part of your reality. So why not feed your mind with something more positive and what you want.

We are an interesting species who, on one hand should not take ourself too seriously but on the other hand there is a need to understand ourselves and be the powerful driving force in making positive transformations in our life. 

So although I like the idea of not taking myself too seriously (if you know me then you see this often enough) I know how important it is to 'get' who I am. However a lot of us don’t do this at all and we shrug ourself off a lot. The idea of thinking about ourself would seem ‘selfish’. The idea of being ‘selfish’ usually gives us a negative feeling and makes us feel bad. How absurd is that! I mean how will YOU know how to be of any use to anyone if YOU do not know who YOU are and understand why YOU do the things you do. 

So although being 'selfish' is frowned upon I know that thinking about your needs is fundamental in understanding the needs of others. 

See how you can contribute to your life and to the lives of others in a positive way by working on yourself.

Note to self: Get to know you, be an authentic you! Free you mind and see your true potential!

What you can do: 

1. Be honest with yourself. How would you describe yourself? Complete this sentence. I am...

2. Write a list of what you think are your strengths and weaknesses. 

3. Think about your attitude to your life. What contributions do you make in your life and to the lives of others? (you may want to put these in two columns: Positive and Negative) 

4. Now reflect: What insights are you getting about the person that you are? Could you change your attitude to situations around you? Could you finally let go of your hang ups?

What steps could you take to be your beautiful self today? 

Create a better world

Questions to think about

How do you want/expect to be treated?

What sort of world do you really want?

What could you do in this moment to help create a better world? 

Be fearless

 

Another inspirational picture from Happy Light Coaching. All quotes are from me (unless stated otherwise) and the pictures are from my travels and everyday life (either photographed by me or others). 

Embrace your inner light

Accept who you are, love yourself and embrace your beauty! If you are unhappy with an aspect of yourself, change that thought or change your actions!

Take time out and just be

Reflect, contemplate and accept what life has and hasn't given you. Find some time to be in a quiet space and away from distractions. Relax your mind and body and just be in that quiet moment. The more times you do this the easier it will be to tune into this state of being in any situation. 

Open your mind

You will see and believe in the possibilities you can have in your life by changing your perspective of yourself, of others and of the events in your life. 

It's all about You!

Learn to be you and learn to love you! 
Once we do this we can then take control over who we are, what we let in to our lives and what we achieve!

Step out of your comfort zone: See, feel and believe in your potential!

So a 3 year old child shows me he is afraid to balance on a log and in need of my help. I give him encouragement and hold his hand to keep his balance. I know that with practice he CAN and WILL balance on that log and achieve what he hadn't been able to do before. The child is simply afraid of feeling unsteady, possibly falling and hurting himself. 

Does this sound familiar? I know for certain as adults we still have these fears. Okay the fear may not be a log but the log has now become the fear of spiders, flying on a plane, going to an interview, changing careers, falling in love...you see my point. It is fear that hinders us in doing what we want or need to do.

We have all faced a time when we wanted to make a change and yet we were gripped by the fear of uncertainty or failure. We thought that changing anything in our stable, secure environment will be catastrophic and affect us and others in so many ways. We find ourselves feeling this fear despite the niggling thought we have of wanting to change something in our life. 

Fear hinders us from doing the things we want or getting what we need in life. Just because fear exists it doesn't mean that is how it will always be or how it should be. You have the ability to take control of the thoughts that are rattling around in your head. You can achieve that which you think (note to self: YOU THINK) is unachievable! Sometimes merely saying this will not be effective as we can always say "I am in control of my life" and yet we find ourselves 10 years later in the same position or mind frame that we are in now. 

How about taking action! Sometimes you have to stop thinking about it, take a leap of faith and just do it! Taking that first step will be the hardest but you will find yourself wondering why you hadn't for instance:

-      joined the gym

-      made new friends

-      gone back to school

-      changed career

-      took on a senior role

-      took that course

-      signed up to online dating

-      gone on a date

-      asked an important question

-      been honest

-      moved in with your partner/lived alone

-      moved country

-      become fitter/ate what you liked

-      given someone a compliment/taken a compliment

-      told others "I love you"

This list highlights the different types of fears we have and it goes on. Some of these can seem small to us but having "fears" is serious in that it can take up our time, damage our self-esteem and stop us from being happy. For instance, it can be easy for me to be open and upfront about who I am and what I need yet for some people I know this can be totally out of their comfort zone, making them over think, causing them great anxiety and stress. Before being able to take these leaps of faiths and ignore our fears we need to go back to working on our idea of ourselves, our self-image. 

Let us go back to the little boy balancing on the log. Without trying to step out of his comfort zone, stepping into the unknown and facing his fear he would not have realised how easy it was to balance on that log. As a teacher I see children with all sorts of fears and they are no different to what we still fear as adults. However children do not have as much past experience or “baggage” as we do and therefore with a little encouragement you'll see them fly! 

For us adults we have to unpick our own layers, understand what it is that stops us in our tracks, accept it and teach ourselves to believe that it no longer takes control over our life. Once we do this we can start adding ‘layers of confidence’ to our self in order to feel empowered and do whatever it is that we need in order to get to where we want to be in our life.

Note to self: Take control, be fearless and see how you can expand your perspective on life by knocking down those walls you have built and creating the life you need. 

Tip: List those things you want or need to do but that consume you with fear. Now put these in order of severity for you. Start with the more simple fears and slowly work your way towards conquering those bigger fears. 

How do you feel afterwards? Was it as bad as you thought it would be?

LIP - Love, Intimacy and Passion!

Happy Light Coaching's Thursday night thought

The key ingredients to that long lasting relationship. Speak openly, have an open mind, give up trying to be 'right' and all you need is a lot of LIP.

Love - A love that is free from guilt, burden and worry. A love that recognises their partner and appreciates them for the amazing person that they are!

Intimacy - Touch, be affectionate and have sex! These are just some aspects of real intimacy. Embrace each other, look into each others eyes and feel alive in that moment with your partner. Be intimate not only with your body but with your mind, heart and soul. This requires us to communicate and be honest with one another. Work, play, dance and laugh together! Find solutions together and know you do this with love.

Passion - Think it, feel it and now go show it! Be as passionate about your partner and relationship as you are about your hobbies, work or friends. Letting things slip can happen but don't let it be what you are left with. 

Note to self: You can create the relationship you want! 

A thought for today

Love can and should be projected in any area of our life. Once we know we have this power we will then be able to forgive quicker, treat others better, feel better about ourselves and enjoy the life we live!

I know the word "Love" sometimes makes us uneasy. 

However... 

NOTE TO SELF: our perception of love (which is based on our past experiences) is all that creates this uneasy feeling. Sometimes we have to not take them too seriously...we got to show them who's the boss and allow our heart and mind to open just that little bit more.

Take smaller steps

Being fearless and taking a leap of faith is something we all have had to do or will have to do at one point in our lives. Yet sometimes we must take smaller steps. This too will bring us towards our goals and help us succeed. Sometimes we have to dissect the big steps in to a few smaller ones just to be able to cope and see what's along the road ahead.

Replace negative thoughts - Love yourself!

Replace negativity with something positive and of use to you...smile, laugh, dream, live and free yourself! 

Sometimes we may find that when we do not live in the present we forget to do what is best for us. For me, this can be forgetting to banish a negative, low level thought with a more positive one. It can feel tremendously difficult to not allow our mind to give these negative perceptions strength or control. Because once we do they not only effect our own inner peace but also of those around us. 

An example of my own peace of mind

When this happens to me (because it sure does) I regain control of who I am and do what I love to do best which is light up my candles and incense, put on soft calming music, turn off the lights and sit. Yes just sit! I can sit there for a long time and allow the thoughts to disappear. Yoga has the same effect helping me to focus on my breathing releasing tension not only in my mind but also through my entire body. Both enable me to regain my sense of self and place in the world. It reminds me of who it is that I am.

I know I am not merely of this body because I feel a connection to something bigger than the ideas in my head, the emotions I feel and the planet I live on. It is this connection that can surprisingly bring me back to reality. The reality that I am and we all are here in the now, living and experiencing, dreaming and visualising, creating and modifying. 

Love yourself!

There is so much of ourselves that we do not see at any given time. We ignore our own beauty and compare ourselves or get preoccupied with those around us. There are many times where we do not show love or time to the one person who will make a difference in our lives...ourselves! Learn to like YOU, learn to love YOU...because I tell you something you do already know but forget...there is no one else like YOU. You are you and you are great! Like and love yourself enough so that you can make your life fantastic, awesome and fulfilling!

Wait I hear those little thoughts in your head..."but I don't feel great", "but...but I am not as qualified"...hmmm is that the line you feed yourself with? Well you may want to change it because really you are what you say you are.

Start accepting who you are, I mean every part of you, flaws and all! Once you accept the you in all it's different forms you can begin to like and love the unique and wonderful person that you are. Before you stick another negative thought in your way...think about what this thought is really about? are you simply telling yourself how you don't want to be? If so why don't you do something about it?

Take control

Take control of your thoughts and replace them with that image, thought, memory, action or sound that gives you peace, makes you smile, leads you to the person you want to be and which enables you to start loving yourself. 

Stop wasting your time with unproductive thinking. Take a different approach and change those bad habits that do not serve your life purpose. 

Think love, be love and live the life you love!

Actively listening

When you begin to listen you realise what you have been ignoring. Words others say sometimes move through you and have no meaning. Listen so that you understand the message. Listen and be present. When we do this we will understand each other better, respect our differences and behave in the one way that will bring positive change, with love.

Self - esteem

“Self-belief is feeling good enough. It's the feeling that you can handle what life throws at you. It's a healthy appreciation of your talents, characteristics and abilities”

Fiona Harrold, Indestructible Self - Belief 

7 simple steps to getting it and keeping it!

What I have been making myself aware of lately is....we are conditioned by our past experiences! The reality is once we understand this and know how it affects us we will then be able to make changes to the image we have of ourselves. This will no doubt bring positive changes to our life. Our self - esteem will increase once we grasp who it is we are but most importantly who it is we want to be. 

It is paramount to understand how you see yourself. It not only enables you to feel good about the wonderfully unique person that you are but it will bring new changes in to your life that will surprise you. Because I know you will discover and radiate a new found fearlessness!

Understanding who you are is not an easy task. Needless to say, our journey is never ending and has its ups and downs. This is normal of course and simply the joy of our human experience. In our lives we have times where we can feel great, happy, confident, intelligent, beautiful, sexy and smart. However there can be a flip side to this. Yes! Ugly, silly, jealous, frumpy, skinny, fat, filled with anxiety and misery. Here are some questions to ask when you begin to label yourself in a negative way.

Do these words serve a good purpose in my life?

Do these labels make me feel better about myself?

Do I want to accept these words in to my life knowing the negative effect they have on me?

If the answer to these questions is NO then ask yourself: Do I want to do something about the way I see myself? If you do then you have taken the first step in acknowledging your current state of mind. You may not imagine it right now and you may feel it's a bit of a joke but that too is the impact and consequence of using these negative labels on yourself. Remember we can actually convince ourselves of our lack of self-worth. Surely this actually makes us quite powerful!

Now it is all well and good to read about this and find ourselves nodding in agreement but take no step in moving forward and making a difference in our life. So what will you do? Sounds simple doesn't it. Of course no one wants to feel negativity running through their entire being yet so much can happen in someone’s life that sometimes it is quite hard to see a way out. So it may well be hard to make these changes but why should you do this alone when you can ask for help. Remember there is always a way.

Here's something simple to try out to give you a positive start!

1. Contemplate

Think about who you are. Write down what your achievements are and all the positive things about yourself. If you find this hard, ask a good friend to tell you what they think. You will be pleasantly surprised. I'll give you one that I know already is a positive aspect of you and I haven't even met you!...You are a conscious being who cares about their life.

2. Change your thoughts

Listen to what you say to yourself. Catch yourself out when you put yourself down. If you mutter to yourself "I'm not that smart" then think about changing this to something more positive like "I'm a smart person who can make smart decisions."

3. Change your actions

If you are now telling yourself "I'm a smart person who can make smart decisions" then act this way!! Maybe you are the sort of person who always says "yes" to others as you live in fear of what would happen if you said "no". Break habits that you don't want to have and that does not serve your life purpose. Only you know what they are and only you can change them.

A thought from me: stop thinking everyone else is better than you. You would be surprised to know that even the most confident, outgoing and successful person has the same fears as you. We all have suffered from lack of self-esteem at one point in our lives or throughout it. That doesn't mean that is how your life should be. You can change it! I have seen it happen so look ahead and believe in the power of change.

Life is wonderful only if you believe it is...go live it with your head held high, strength within and with an open heart and mind.

Live in the now

The best moments for me is when I am in the Now. When I can sit, talk, be silent or contemplate and appreciate my surroundings with myself or with others. It is when the past is not holding on to me, when the future is not my focus but the present moment is simply there and it fills me up with love. This is how I will know I succeeded when I can make these moments occur more frequently.

My thought for today: Be aware of the unnecessary chatter going on in your mind or a feeling of "something" you are meant to do. For instance, like the expectation you place on yourself to be liked all the time thinking you must make sure you do this, that or the other. Or when you want to be a "success" at work and try too hard. When these pressures are at the forefront of your mind there is no way of knowing if you are fully present. Life will simply pass us by. By being present you get to experience life and be in control of it.

A reminder by Eckhart Tolle:

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly – you usually don't use it at all. It uses you.”

The Power of Now

It's okay to take a break and take in the simple pleasures in life that make you smile, fill you up with joy and that take your breath away. So if you haven't done it already free yourself from the state you are constantly in, the one you rely on and step outside your own comfort zone to do, feel or be something different.

An insight into what we can do for our children...

This is an eye opener and a great read for parents, teachers and anyone interested in understanding the effects our society has on our children. 

Parenting and educating children are one of the most important yet difficult jobs to do. Before we can do either we must first understand how our children think, why they behave in a certain way and what is the most effective way of educating and helping them to become happy and responsible members of society. This book which is based on extensive research reminds us to do this not only with authority but with much warmth, love and care.

What do you want?

"I want to do more!"

Do you find yourself feeling like you want to do more, be more and achieve more? Wanting to be more skillful or more of a “success” does have its benefits in that it motivates you to aim high, helps you to move forward and accomplish many things. But what could become a worry and hinder you reaching your true potential is the need for “wanting more” becoming an obsession. This obsession can sometimes make us lose sight of what is already in front of us. It can also take away what actually is more important to us.

Believe in yourself!

What we tend to do in the process of “wanting more” is a need to put ourselves down. We find it difficult to positively praise ourselves to others as we don't want to sound as what some people might describe as “cocky”. But maybe there is a way we can acknowledge and praise our achievements without the negative impact of being “cocky”. It's about us being more sincere with ourselves and saying it how it is as opposed to what we think may sound 'cool'. Know how far you have come and where you need to go.

Isn't it okay to acknowledge your hard work and feel proud of your achievements despite having not reached your main 'goal'? Being aware that you can do more and be better shouldn't have a negative impact on what you have already achieved and how you see yourself.

Having a clear intention on what you want is a good start but it may seem like a dream that will not manifest itself if there is no action placed behind for instance, your dream to be more sociable, find a partner, be a good parent, lose weight or be your own boss.

If you do know what you desire then make it clear to yourself on how to get there. We tend to blame not having enough time, money, energy, support as the reason for us not achieving our dreams. By placing blame on any of these things does this take away a sense of responsibility from ourselves? This is your life and no one but you can make it fabulous!