The Woman who Knows

It was International Women's day yesterday and a lovely time to remember how far women have had to come in order for us to live the life we have today. It was a time to congratulate and praise women for their achievements and the role we play in each others life as well as acknowledge the support we receive from the men in our lives. It is also a time to raise awareness of issues women continue to face around the world today. Because there is always so much more that we can do.

Todays post can not cover all the above, but simply speak of The Woman who Knows, of what real beauty in a woman means to me and the sisterhood that we could create to help transform our communities.

Celebrating each other

Celebrating each other as the women we are can happen every day in our lives and when we look closely we will see that we are already surrounded by many positive connections which we take for granted. Awareness and gratitude of this will surely warm your heart. A conversation with a colleague or friend, a meal with the women in our family, a girly shopping trip, a contagious giggle, a shoulder to cry on, an encouraging smile. Sisterhood and connection is constant.

I have so many sisters in the world who are very different to me. It is not about us being the same but about us 'seeing' each other for who we are, loving and accepting one another and working with what wonderfulness we already have. When I think about sisterhood with more focus and for a greater good I instinctively know this can be powerful.

Women do not need to conform to an ideal that has been engineered by men. This is ridiculous. Women need to continue to connect with each other and acknowledge what is within their true nature. So let us make it clear in our heads...

Beauty and self-image

Beauty is not just the girl with the flat stomach, the good skin, the curved figure, the blonde or brunette, the long haired, the short haired, the trend setter, the girly girl, the popular girl, the career woman, the working mum, the western girl, the city girl, the white girl, the non-religious girl, the 'abled' girl or the young girl.

Beauty is all those girls BUT also the stay at home mum, the big girl, the shy one, the girl with bad skin, the loner, the gardener, the one who knits, the tomboy, the skateboarder, the engineer, the teacher, the plumber, the dancer, the scholar, the politician, the activist, the older one, the frail one, the 'weird' one, the vegan, the deaf girl, the blind girl, the Indian, Cambodian, Taiwanese, Chinese, Korean, Indonesian, Thai, Bengali, Pakistani, Mexican, Californian, Kazakstani, Croatian, Polish, German, Italian, Spanish, English, Welsh, Scottish, Irish, French, Swedish, Norwegian, Greek, Cypriot, Turkish, Kenyan, Ghanaian, Egyptian, Iranian, Jamaican, Nigerian, American, Brazilian, the hippie, the Muslim, the Christian, the Jew, the Hindu, the Buddhist, the Atheist... I think you get my point.

Beauty is YOU.

It is your smile, your walk, the way you laugh, the way you cry, your feelings, your expressions, what you say, how you say it, how you feel and what you do. It is your heart and soul. This is your essence, your real beauty. Believe in it and do not be afraid to share it. Women forget this. Well, we know how to share our outer beauty well because we live in a world that focuses only on that. Of course our bodies are these wonderful vessels which we should cherish but our minds are the most powerful part of us that needs to be expressed. It is with our mind that people connect with not our bodies, despite the hype we constantly see of the 'perfect' girl. An intelligent, strong, confident and inspiring woman is just that no matter what shape or form she comes in. 

No doubt, as do men, women love to feel accepted, loved, appreciated and adored. But sometimes we seek these things in the wrong places, often waiting for others to validate what we should know but have forgotten. 

The written piece below is for all of us who forget and who need reminding of what we and other women are about. It is for us to remember that whoever we are, whatever we look like, wherever we are from and whatever we believe in...

We are beauty. If we can see this in each other the world can be a more loving place. If others can see it, then great. Ultimately if you believe in it and feel your beauty this is all that really matters. You will naturally shine and you will be infectious!

This is an expression of how I felt a while back. It is for those who are not 'seen' in the work place, at home or in their communities for the amazing beings that they are. It is about our instinct, intuition, heart and spirit. It is about experiencing pain and overcoming it. The words flowed strongly at that time and think this is a good time to share it. 

--------------------------------------------

The Woman who Knows

The Woman who Knows can see the doubt, confusion and uncomfortable feeling you have in your eyes. She notices the coldness from your heart and wonders why you can not really see and feel what lies beneath her. You may not be able to see her beauty or achievements because you still have not lifted the veil of fear, pretentiousness, illusion and ignorance from your human eyes. But she knows that deep down you are love and you too have a desire to be that love. Yet you have forgotten what this means.

A real woman knows. She always knows because she can feel it. She is a lifeline, a peace giver, she is a protector who has been mistreated, misunderstood, mistaken and ridiculed. 

It is from her you once came. She deserves your respect. 

Honour her, 
                 her body and 
                               keep all women safe. 

Without women, the feminine nature may well be forgotten. If it is forgotten who will you come to for a helping hand, a creative idea. Where will you rest your head at night, feel the warmth of her love and hear the sweet words she mutters to you, soothing your soul. She is the encourager, the motivator, the reminder of all things feminine and the loving one. 

She is not ignorant to the fact that we are all on different paths learning lessons at different times so she encourages herself to leave it and let go of the frustration she feels sometimes when she notices that the opposite of love is being projected to her.

We are who we are, She is who she is, so you embrace it or not. If you do not, that is also fine. The truth is no woman needs others around her who can not see her essence. Ironically you remind her of who she truly is and who she does not want to be. 

The Woman who Knows has no need for you to like the authentic and strong person that she is because you may not be able to comprehend what it means to be mindful in this way. 

The Woman who Knows knows the journey she makes and values the whole of her being. She is not just the stories she tells herself. She is not just the image she projects to the world. She is more than this. She is a beautiful spirit entwined in this human experience. A woman's nature does not need to be tamed because it will always call to her, from her inner being, to rise up, to be who she was meant to be. 

The Woman who Knows stands strong in the wind, her hair flowing, becoming tangled symbolising the paths she had experienced previously. She is patient, she can do this, she has done it before, untangling the knots and untangling life's difficulties one at a time.

The Woman who Knows chooses to be herself because it creates happiness in her heart and for her loved ones. Her hope is always love for everyone. Only a bitter woman does not want goodness to shine through. Our true nature is not bitter. But sometimes we forget. Sometimes it may have gotten too much for us.

She knows the path can be hard and some people do not see her for what she is. Her potential is greatness and her essence is more beautiful than she can ever imagine. 

She is impenetrable, so stop trying to break her. It can never work. What a simple and elementary statement yet it is always surprising when others persist. Even when you see her laying on the ground, at her lowest, be sure she will rise up, be stronger and will walk away from those who can not see her for the rare diamond that she is. 

When you see her beauty and aching for the same realness and self love that inhabits her being then maybe you too will begin to know what The Woman who Knows has realised. 

-------------------------------

A sisterhood is already here, waiting to transform the world. To remind us that women do not need to be more of a 'man' to change the world, but they just need to be themselves, in this moment, to shine their light without fear and connect with each other positively. 

LOVE is the only way for great happiness to unfold daily in our lives. When there is no love there is no happiness. Women with women and women with men must work together, play together and love each other. Sisters, brothers, lovers and friends. Whatever your connection listen to each other, understand and respect the differences that lies in us all.Then move forward together to create a new breed of boys and girls who will become the men and women they were meant to be, real men and real women who will see each other with love, respect and deep admiration for their role and purpose here on this earth. 

No one said the journey will be easy, but it will be worth it. 

Us Women

"90% of British women feel body-image anxiety"

        (data taken from The Government’s Body Confidence Campaign)

As International Women's Day passed us by on Saturday 8th March a group I have co-founded with my friend Katie called Nous Les Femmes organised a Women's Day. We had talks, stalls, food, drinks and good company. Women felt great about themselves and despite me and Katie's lack of sleep and exhaustion from all the planning and setting up with our amazing team of helpers the atmosphere was positive and it feels like this is the beginning of something bigger! Guests have shown a keenness to help with future events. One lady stated that she has been "waiting for something like this for a long time".

Having had to research a little more in to this topic, I was soon reminded that there are major global issues which effect women simply because of their gender. These problems are a result of the perceptions we have of both genders and messages we have passed down from generation to generation and they are not going to just go away. According to the United Nations women website: “Women bear a disproportionate burden of the world’s poverty. Statistics indicate that women are more likely than men to be poor and at risk of hunger because of the systematic discrimination they face in education, health care, employment and control of assets.” If we feed each other with the idea that women are of lesser value then men then we are contributing to the devastating issues that women face globally.

In the UK, along with issues of sexual harassment, rape, domestic violence (which happens to every 1 in 4 women) we have HUGE issues regarding body-image anxiety which leads to low self-esteem. This anxiety simply hinders our potential to create a more fulfilling life for ourselves and others. At five, children begin to understand other people's judgement of them. The medias portrayal of women and how we should 'be' further exasperates the anxieties children face regarding their self-image. The media's influence is something I have learnt about since I was a child and I am sure it is a conversation our parents had at one time in school. So then you sit and wonder has anything changed? In an age where we rely on social media, have more sophisticated ways of advertising is it getting better? Are we really progressing in the right direction? If children are growing up in a culture that praises beauty as something you can only see and bombards them with images of what that beauty needs to look like, we will be giving our children a very limited belief system. 

The media tells us what beauty should look like and yet all this does is get girls and boys comparing themselves to unrealistic media demands. Should children as young as 5 be feeling anxiety for how they look? Obviously this depends from child to child and as a teacher I know all too well that these anxieties are not only a result of the medias impact but passed down through the family or as part of a natural consequence of growing up. Having said that the media magnifies this pressure with a specific type of image.

Beauty is not only something you see but it is to be experienced with all the five senses. This is the only way we can identify whether we think something is a beautiful thing or not.

I have actually heard a man say that "but that's what we want to see" and I can not help but laugh at this. Seriously? I simply say this: You only think that is what you want to see because that's all the media has been feeding us with. We are programmed to think that the image we see is what we should like. Has anyone tried anything different? If so, how can we encourage responsible advertising? How we going to educate our children into understanding that beauty lies within? Although I have been highlighting the medias role in our body -image anxiety we need to start questioning what role we will play in creating a more confident society.

For whatever reason, women have been misunderstood, they misunderstand themselves and need to feel empowered in knowing that these ideas we have of each other are just that, ideas. However both women and men need to acknowledge the role they play in feeding these ideas in to the minds of the younger generation. Change will not just occur with women uniting and standing up for themselves but it will require the support of strong, educated men who can contribute to lasting changes and make the world a better place.We can make a difference within our families, our friendships, in our workplace and within the wider community when we begin to see how these issues relate to us in some way. 

Taking some responsibility in feeding each other with views of the opposite sex could be a first step. The idea that "women are not leaders" or "men are players" needs to change. If we continue to have these ideas we will simply live up to these expectations. What could be more productive to our time and beneficial for the next generation is if we get to know what it means to be a woman or a man, understand our differences and how we relate to each other and praise our strengths. A population that is less ignorant but more aware of their impact will not only reap in the rewards of contributing positively to our local communities but will also be a driving force to create global change. 

Your beautiful self!

Look at yourself in the mirror and see what I see. You are beautiful. Love yourself, be yourself and accept who you are. 

Is there something you don't like about yourself?  I say do whatever it is you need to do to be who you want to be! 

It sounds simple but being honest and authentic to ourselves can be one of the hardest things we have to consistently do. Once we open up to honesty about who we are and who we want to be we can then love the whole of our being and our beauty will radiate outwards to the rest of the world. 

Let us stop being blinded by our own illusion of who we say we are. We need to be it! If you are saying 'I am a good friend', 'I am a loving partner' or even 'I am beautiful' then be it!

This topic will always fascinate me. The reason being is because along with the topic of ‘love’ loving who I am and being authentic has been an epic journey. As I am sure it has been for you. You are probably thinking 'my beautiful self as opposed to...?' yes as opposed to 'your not so beautiful self'! For me 'my not so beautiful self' is when I am moody, irritable, snappy, fussy and negative. Now do not get me wrong each of these things would be ok if experienced individually but when they are in what I would describe as a 'combo' then I would hope to not be in the company of others...yes it is not a pretty sight! I know that this side of me could push others away, make me feel awful and create a problem that didn't need to exist.

For you, your 'not so beautiful self' maybe something else. Think about what it could be and how this makes you feel.

Questions to think about 
How does your 'not so beautiful self' serve your purpose in life? 

How do you make rational decisions when you are at your lowest? 

Now when I say 'learn to be your beautiful self' I am simply saying get to know yourself well enough so that you can tap in to the part of you that you and others love so much!
You were not born in to this world with limiting thoughts or beliefs about yourself. You created that! Everyone does. For some reason we find it easier to do this. We are in a culture where we think other people are beautiful, successful and special, when in fact...You are too! What we tend to do is feed our mind with constant labels, 'oh I am always clumsy', 'I'm not sexy', 'I am always going to be fat'. What is interesting about these labels is that the more you believe in them the more it will be part of your reality. So why not feed your mind with something more positive and what you want.

We are an interesting species who, on one hand should not take ourself too seriously but on the other hand there is a need to understand ourselves and be the powerful driving force in making positive transformations in our life. 

So although I like the idea of not taking myself too seriously (if you know me then you see this often enough) I know how important it is to 'get' who I am. However a lot of us don’t do this at all and we shrug ourself off a lot. The idea of thinking about ourself would seem ‘selfish’. The idea of being ‘selfish’ usually gives us a negative feeling and makes us feel bad. How absurd is that! I mean how will YOU know how to be of any use to anyone if YOU do not know who YOU are and understand why YOU do the things you do. 

So although being 'selfish' is frowned upon I know that thinking about your needs is fundamental in understanding the needs of others. 

See how you can contribute to your life and to the lives of others in a positive way by working on yourself.

Note to self: Get to know you, be an authentic you! Free you mind and see your true potential!

What you can do: 

1. Be honest with yourself. How would you describe yourself? Complete this sentence. I am...

2. Write a list of what you think are your strengths and weaknesses. 

3. Think about your attitude to your life. What contributions do you make in your life and to the lives of others? (you may want to put these in two columns: Positive and Negative) 

4. Now reflect: What insights are you getting about the person that you are? Could you change your attitude to situations around you? Could you finally let go of your hang ups?

What steps could you take to be your beautiful self today? 

Replace negative thoughts - Love yourself!

Replace negativity with something positive and of use to you...smile, laugh, dream, live and free yourself! 

Sometimes we may find that when we do not live in the present we forget to do what is best for us. For me, this can be forgetting to banish a negative, low level thought with a more positive one. It can feel tremendously difficult to not allow our mind to give these negative perceptions strength or control. Because once we do they not only effect our own inner peace but also of those around us. 

An example of my own peace of mind

When this happens to me (because it sure does) I regain control of who I am and do what I love to do best which is light up my candles and incense, put on soft calming music, turn off the lights and sit. Yes just sit! I can sit there for a long time and allow the thoughts to disappear. Yoga has the same effect helping me to focus on my breathing releasing tension not only in my mind but also through my entire body. Both enable me to regain my sense of self and place in the world. It reminds me of who it is that I am.

I know I am not merely of this body because I feel a connection to something bigger than the ideas in my head, the emotions I feel and the planet I live on. It is this connection that can surprisingly bring me back to reality. The reality that I am and we all are here in the now, living and experiencing, dreaming and visualising, creating and modifying. 

Love yourself!

There is so much of ourselves that we do not see at any given time. We ignore our own beauty and compare ourselves or get preoccupied with those around us. There are many times where we do not show love or time to the one person who will make a difference in our lives...ourselves! Learn to like YOU, learn to love YOU...because I tell you something you do already know but forget...there is no one else like YOU. You are you and you are great! Like and love yourself enough so that you can make your life fantastic, awesome and fulfilling!

Wait I hear those little thoughts in your head..."but I don't feel great", "but...but I am not as qualified"...hmmm is that the line you feed yourself with? Well you may want to change it because really you are what you say you are.

Start accepting who you are, I mean every part of you, flaws and all! Once you accept the you in all it's different forms you can begin to like and love the unique and wonderful person that you are. Before you stick another negative thought in your way...think about what this thought is really about? are you simply telling yourself how you don't want to be? If so why don't you do something about it?

Take control

Take control of your thoughts and replace them with that image, thought, memory, action or sound that gives you peace, makes you smile, leads you to the person you want to be and which enables you to start loving yourself. 

Stop wasting your time with unproductive thinking. Take a different approach and change those bad habits that do not serve your life purpose. 

Think love, be love and live the life you love!

Self - esteem

“Self-belief is feeling good enough. It's the feeling that you can handle what life throws at you. It's a healthy appreciation of your talents, characteristics and abilities”

Fiona Harrold, Indestructible Self - Belief 

7 simple steps to getting it and keeping it!

What I have been making myself aware of lately is....we are conditioned by our past experiences! The reality is once we understand this and know how it affects us we will then be able to make changes to the image we have of ourselves. This will no doubt bring positive changes to our life. Our self - esteem will increase once we grasp who it is we are but most importantly who it is we want to be. 

It is paramount to understand how you see yourself. It not only enables you to feel good about the wonderfully unique person that you are but it will bring new changes in to your life that will surprise you. Because I know you will discover and radiate a new found fearlessness!

Understanding who you are is not an easy task. Needless to say, our journey is never ending and has its ups and downs. This is normal of course and simply the joy of our human experience. In our lives we have times where we can feel great, happy, confident, intelligent, beautiful, sexy and smart. However there can be a flip side to this. Yes! Ugly, silly, jealous, frumpy, skinny, fat, filled with anxiety and misery. Here are some questions to ask when you begin to label yourself in a negative way.

Do these words serve a good purpose in my life?

Do these labels make me feel better about myself?

Do I want to accept these words in to my life knowing the negative effect they have on me?

If the answer to these questions is NO then ask yourself: Do I want to do something about the way I see myself? If you do then you have taken the first step in acknowledging your current state of mind. You may not imagine it right now and you may feel it's a bit of a joke but that too is the impact and consequence of using these negative labels on yourself. Remember we can actually convince ourselves of our lack of self-worth. Surely this actually makes us quite powerful!

Now it is all well and good to read about this and find ourselves nodding in agreement but take no step in moving forward and making a difference in our life. So what will you do? Sounds simple doesn't it. Of course no one wants to feel negativity running through their entire being yet so much can happen in someone’s life that sometimes it is quite hard to see a way out. So it may well be hard to make these changes but why should you do this alone when you can ask for help. Remember there is always a way.

Here's something simple to try out to give you a positive start!

1. Contemplate

Think about who you are. Write down what your achievements are and all the positive things about yourself. If you find this hard, ask a good friend to tell you what they think. You will be pleasantly surprised. I'll give you one that I know already is a positive aspect of you and I haven't even met you!...You are a conscious being who cares about their life.

2. Change your thoughts

Listen to what you say to yourself. Catch yourself out when you put yourself down. If you mutter to yourself "I'm not that smart" then think about changing this to something more positive like "I'm a smart person who can make smart decisions."

3. Change your actions

If you are now telling yourself "I'm a smart person who can make smart decisions" then act this way!! Maybe you are the sort of person who always says "yes" to others as you live in fear of what would happen if you said "no". Break habits that you don't want to have and that does not serve your life purpose. Only you know what they are and only you can change them.

A thought from me: stop thinking everyone else is better than you. You would be surprised to know that even the most confident, outgoing and successful person has the same fears as you. We all have suffered from lack of self-esteem at one point in our lives or throughout it. That doesn't mean that is how your life should be. You can change it! I have seen it happen so look ahead and believe in the power of change.

Life is wonderful only if you believe it is...go live it with your head held high, strength within and with an open heart and mind.