Relationships during the hard times

It is not easy...

• It is not easy being sincere when others have shown us the opposite of this.
• It is not easy letting go when we place importance and attachments to people or events in our life.
• It is not easy to change an image of our self because we think it is 'cool' but when it does not show who we really are.
• It is not easy to love unconditionally when we are taught that our love has conditions.
• It is not easy not being dramatic about it all. Because we seem to only listen to some degree when drama occurs. We learn to let things get out of control before we make them better.

How to make it easier
When there is an 'issue' in a relationship it is difficult to not see it as a 'you're wrong, I'm right' situation. If we all just acknowledged the role we have played in the situation and not be afraid to identify our own weaknesses this may not be such  big problem. Sometimes we won't understand what the problem is really about but a simple 'sorry' and loving gesture can change a persons mood. Sometimes we have to be the 'bigger man or woman'.

Letting go of ego and listening can do wonders for a loving relationship. If we allowed it, ego could get us to kill each other off. Loving others does not need to include suffering.

Top tips:
1. Care about the person who is speaking to you as opposed to being irritated by them. Everyone has a right to and should feel able to open up to someone they love.

2.Listen to the words that are spoken and then speak...less reacting just speak. Check out Active Listening.

3. Reflect and communicate with each other. Start being a team and stop undermining one another. Keep it to the point. Ultimately do not make accusations as we naturally become defensive. Instead start by asking questions or just begin talking about how you feel starting with...I felt, It sounded like... is probably better than You did this to me...You are a... etc

Lastly, for me an important ingredient to our magical potion of a loving relationship even in the hard times is...

4. Love - identify what this means to you and each other. Learn about what others think about love.  A great read is The Art of Loving by Eric Fromm. It could get you nodding and saying 'ah yes'.

Ultimately your objective is to make things better. How will you do this? Will you get all child like and make it about you? Sometimes we have to change the channel and stop playing the same tv show (our lives). Change perspective and actions in order to make things as good as we want them to be.

I know this is a tough one as what happens when the other person chooses not to take on an adult state or come from a place of love? (check out the role of ego states that play in our lives...it's an eye opener). Answering this is best for another post.

Much love to yourselves and those you have relationships with. Open your heart, let go of ego and love each other. 

Note: the advice above is not a quick fix especially if we are not used to behaving this way. As with everything having a good intention and practising the above will slowly guide us to more fulfillment in our relationships.

Let it go

We hear it all the time, I have written about it already and yet I feel it necessary to keep writing about it for myself and others.

Sometimes we do not even notice that we have been holding on to a lot of baggage from the past. So we get upset, angry and frustrated and wonder where this is coming from. Was it really the rude woman who pushed you on the platform? Is what your boyfriend saying really that bad? Why are you so upset? 

But...this is who I am
Yes! The way we behave is part of who we are. I am sure you have heard or even said yourself "Well that is just how I am". Of course it is but just because we choose to be angry, hurtful etc it doesn't mean that's how we should stay. We are choosing it to be who we are. We have other qualities that makes us US too. Think about the qualities you want to have to better your life and what it would mean to you and others if you chose love instead of hate. Yes it's bloody hard when we are pissed off and life has thrown some ridiculous obstacles in our way. But why don't we grow up and do what we gotta do to make our state of mind, life and relationships better. This advice is not rocket science yet it is so hard for us to take and implement in our lives. Let's do this peeps! Kick out those thoughts, events or behaviours you just do not want to have in your life. Cherish your space and what you put in it and give it more love and care. 

NOTE TO SELF: Acknowledge what happened and how you feel. Feel it. Now ask yourself: Is this how I want to feel everyday? 

If you choose to break free tell yourself that you are done with being angry, hateful, annoyed, frustrated and start visualising the essence of who you want to be. Close your eyes, breath and listen and feel yourself breathing. Feel your body relax and know that nothing can harm your state of mind because you are in charge. Love yourself, pour love into your being, think of loving moments and smile. Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile...

This exercise or any other relaxation technique should be repeated in order for you to feel relaxed and more balanced. When repeated it will begin to feel more natural to you and will become a part of you. Hopefully it will be something you can tap in to when things get a little too much and you forget how to let things go.