Letting go and moving on

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. Sometimes we fear that by letting go of something that we cherished, loved and almost obsessed over will mean we failed in some way or that it was not an important contribution to who we are today. 

We may feel that 'something' will be lost forever. This 'something' can be a failed project, business, relationship, deceased family or friend. It could even be letting go of the idea of 'ourselves'! Sometimes we can find ourselves waking up feeling exhausted with the mask we have covered ourself with and realise this is not who we are. As we try to let go of those layers we find it difficult, unnatural and extremely painful to move forward in to a new image of who we are or want to be. We may delve into a child like state trying to claw back what is left of that project, business, relationship or idea "But that's not fair! That's not what I wanted in life, I worked so hard, I tried my best! That's not how it was meant to be". 

We may need to constantly give ourselves a gentle reality check of life: we change, others change, life changes. Things happen, sometimes we may have control over this change other times we have no control over the changes that happen to us. When you feel you had no say in the way 'change' occurred in your life the process of accepting what has happened or is happening can take a long time. 

Letting go will be hard, but give yourself a purpose. At first the purpose will be to stay sane. For instance, after being with your partner of 12 years you may find yourself alone and asking many questions you can not find the answers to. Your only purpose at the beginning stages of what can only describe as, the grieving process, is to get through the hour. In these circumstances your mental strength is tested beyond what you could have previously imagined was possible. You always feel at moments of intense grief that you can not get through life and yet despite not seeing the benefits of this heartache until much later on, you find it within yourself to fight through the uncertainty of it all and move forward. 

Tips to letting go and moving on

1. Acknowledge your present situation: are you grieving? then grieve! Do you need support? Don't be afraid to ask for it.

2. Do not shut out the world: Stay in touch with close friends and family. Despite feeling like you are numb with grief their presence can provide some light to your situation.

3. Understand yourself and ask yourself key questions: What will I do to get through this difficult time? Write down your thoughts.

4. Do the things you love: Keeping yourself busy can help you focus on something else other than the pain you are feeling. At first this will make no difference, remember point no.1 that is okay. With time things get better.

5. Stay positive: You may feel that your world has come to an end but you are not alone. Everyone has experienced some form of heartache in their life and they have survived. 

6. Make an intention to love yourself even when you can not feel it. You need to hold on to something even if it is for a few minutes in the day. Because this will slowly grow and increase and then one day you will find yourself looking back on your journey and being thankful that you pulled through, that you reached for that light and got yourself out of the darkness. 

7. When you begin to feel stronger start setting small goals to your desired outcome. 

8. Recognise when you have achieved your goal and set another small goal. 

9. Quieten the noise that is surrounding you by doing something you value and that helps you build your strength: this may be a daily routine such as laying on your bed contemplating, meditating, praying, it could be running, walking, dancing, knitting etc. Whatever it is keep hold of your ritual. 

10. Look back to see how far you have come as inspiration and keep moving forwards.