One of the main factors which influence our decision to begin a committed relationship with someone is the picture or perception we have of that person during the 'dating' or 'getting to know them stage'. So the words, actions and statements they provide us with during this time will tell us about sort of person they are. But you can never know. So of course when we feel this stage is a success we delve right in and good on all of us for doing that because life is about just doing things even if they scare you. However months down the line we may then be faced with the realisation that the truth which we built in our mind about this person wasn't the reality after all.
Is honesty the best policy?
So I am going to be honest because for me it is a great policy to have! I know some will disagree as sometimes it feels like we are doing someone a favour by not exposing everything to them. I can understand this and there are exceptions (although we all have different ideas on what these exceptions are). So in relation to getting to know somebody, the sooner we understand each others expectations of what we want from the relationship, what we feel comfortable and uncomfortable with the better it will be for both of us in the long run.
Be honest and feel free
When we are honest we are providing a clear picture of who we are, what our expectations are and because of this honesty people know what they are dealing with and actually trust in you. You also will know that the other person will love you for who you really are. This type of honesty equals freedom. Freedom to be, freedom to make mistakes and the freedom to make things better. Everyone has different levels of expectations and what they find acceptable. We need to learn to accept this and make compromises otherwise we can not expect others to do the same for us.
Be realistic
The reality for most of us is that the process of getting know somebody continues throughout the relationship. Relationships change because we all change, we grow together and shed layers we had at the beginning of the relationship to allow new layers to be formed. However this can only be effective if we are willing to communicate openly and honestly, not only to our partner but to ourselves.
'Relationships are hard work.'
Be honest with yourself and see life for what it is! Life is a mixture of many things with many obstacles, many joys and surprises. This is the same for the other areas of our life: work, children, family, friendships.There is not going to be an emergency exit to the problems we face in life. It is what it is. We need to accept it and know what we want to do with it. So...relationships, they can be the most awesome aspect to our lives or the most daunting. It is our choice.
Just like we have to do whatever it is we need in order to get along at work it is the same in a relationship. Obviously with the added benefits of fun times, intimacy, love, passion, romance, sex etc. So wouldn't it be even more important to use those skills we use at work to compromise, listen, discuss ideas and create awesome projects within our personal lives? Obviously relationships shouldn't be seen as a chore but if we want one there is a responsibility that comes with it.
Could we change our perceptions of relationships and value them a little more?
Could we acknowledge the needs we have, communicate to each other about these needs openly and create relationships we are proud to be part of?
You make your life work...therefore you make your relationships work. Relationship building does not stop after a year of being together or even after 10! Our journey together continues, grows, transforms and modifys itself.
Remember to add a bit of passion and Sparkle
Although honesty is important in a relationship so is your idea of your relationship...or relationship-image and belief! Do you think it is wise to tell ourselves "oh well we went past that honeymoon phase"? Is this us putting our relationships in a little box that is now saying "boring, monotone, routine and unchangeable"? So what do we want our relationships to be like? Do we want passion? Do we want love and happiness? If so we got to work out what that looks like and what works for us. Love and communicate with each other and if you are feeling afraid or vulnerable just think...what is the worst that could happen?
When we adopt the need to be honest we are also being genuine, sincere and real. Once we take this road we will find it difficult as it is not easy being 'intimate' in this way, exposing our human self with all its rawness. BUT, although uncomfortable at first (as is most things we are trying out for the first time) we will find that we can be more connected to not only those we have relationships with but to ourselves. This is probably one of the most important reasons why we could re-think and accept the idea that possibly 'honesty is the best policy'.
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